Unexpected Changes
by Arethene Darkwound
Summary: While Xemnas is out on business, Demyx smashes the Orb of Essences, causing everyone in the castle to switch bodies, and hilarity ensues! Larxene gives Marluxia a crew cut, Lexaeus gets lost in Xigbar's bedroom, and Luxord remains EXACTLY THE SAME! R&R!
1. Shiny Shiny Objects

Unexpected Changes  
An **Organization XIII** Story  
By _Arethene_

"Demyx, what are you doing?"

Demyx looked up with wide eyes, his cheeks bulging, his hand halfway to his mouth with another handful of potato chips. Crumbs hung around his mouth and were scattered across his black cloak.

"...oh hi, Zexion!" Demyx laughed nervously around the half-chewed chips crammed in his mouth.

"Aren't those Roxas' chips?"

"...no! No, no, these are mine!"

"..."

With a sigh, Zexion turned away and continued through the castle. Only two rooms later, he encountered Marluxia and Luxord having tea. He tried to get away but Marluxia, unfortunately, chose that moment to flip his rosy hair back and noticed the boy out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh, hey there, Zexion! Won't you join us? The tea's still hot!" The man asked with what he thought was an inviting smile.

Luxord didn't say anything, sitting in his armchair, resting his cheek on his fist and looking bored out of his mind.

"Er...no thanks, Marluxia."

"What?" Marluxia snapped, his eyes narrowing.

"I mean, I'd love to! But you see, I have...um...studies!" Zexion stammered, lifting his lexicon and tapping it with the other hand.

Suddenly, Xigbar burst into the room through the double doors to Zexion's left, his cloak completely unzipped, showing off his manhood.

"Heeeeere's Xiggy!"

The statement was met with absolute silence and three wide stares. The grin on Xigbar's face was replaced with an expression of stunned surprise, and he went pale and then very red. He did not close his cloak.

"...oh _my_!" Marluxia exclaimed, holding a hand up over his mouth to hide his coy smile and giggling quietly.

"...uh...crap. Wrong room...my bad!" Xigbar grinned at them all again, then turned on his heel and marched back from whence he came, shutting the doors behind him.

The silence stretched on for a moment.

"Did he have a heart shaved into his-"

"WELL THEN." Marluxia announced over Luxord's question.

"Ironic, that is. Considering we haven't got hearts-"

"I guess we'll just have to get together another time, Zexion!" Marluxia said, standing and going over to Zexion, turning him about by his shoulders and propelling him toward the exit.

"Oh-um-I guess..."

Zexion then found the door to the parlor shut in his face. From behind it he heard Marluxia exclaim, "Now where _were_ we?"

"Larxene's a lesbian," came Luxord's monotone reply.

"Oh, _yes_!"

Zexion continued on his way.

After accidentally walking in on Axel and Roxas doing unmentionable acts, tripping over Xaldin (who had decided it was ok to do push-ups in front of a door), and glimpsing Larxene looking through a magazine focusing on crew cuts ("Maybe she _is_ a lesbian..." thought Zexion.), Zexion finally made it to Vexen's quarters.

"Jeez!" He exclaimed after Vexen's vague greeting.

"You'd think in such a large castle you'd never run into anyone, but nooooo, I have to meet _half_ the Organization just to get down here!"

Vexen muttered in response.

Dropping his lexicon on one of the tables, Zexion stepped over to Vexen's refrigerator, pulling open the door casually and having a look inside.

"Whatcha been working on, Vex?" He asked.

Vexen didn't reply.

"...busy, huh?"

"...shut up..."

Zexion walked over to a corner of the room where a little wooden chair waited. He picked up the paperback book beside it and opened it to the page he had left off at, sitting down in the chair, which creaked at him in protest.

About a half hour later, Vexen stalked out of the room, muttering something about "alchemical properties." Shortly after that, Demyx flounced into the room, traces of Roxas' potato chips still evident around his cluelessly smiling mouth. He looked around and caught sight of Zexion, who ineffectively raised his book over his eyes and tried to disappear into his corner.

"Hey there, Zexy! You wanna play a game with me? We could play tic tac toe!"

"No."

"What about hangman?"

"No, go away."

"Yahtzee?"

"No."

"Checkers?"

"No."

"Hide n' Go Seek?"

"...ok. You hide."

"Yaaaaay! You're my new best friend!"

And so, Demyx skipped off to hide and left Zexion to his reading.

...

Aaaaaaand twenty minutes later, he was back.

"Hey Zexy, whatcha doin?"

Zexion looked up at him incredulously.

"Did you actually _forget_ that we were playing Hide n' Go Seek?"

"Oh my _gosh_, we _were_? I mean, of _course_ we were, I knew that! ...Found you!"

"...hey Demyx, let's play the Find the Shiny Shiny Objects game."

"Oooh! That sounds fun! How do you play?"

"Well, you have to go and find 100 shiny objects in the castle, then show Axel each one, then run and put it back where you found it so Saix doesn't kill me. K?"

"Ok!" Demyx replied, eyes bright.

Zexion went back to his book, ignoring Demyx as he scurried all over, looking for shiny shiny objects.

"_About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how potent that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him._"

"Zexion, does this count as a shiny object?"

Zexion looked up in irritation, and gasped.

"Demyx be careful!"

Demyx jumped at Zexion's exclamation, and the silvery orb slipped from his fingers and crashed to the floor. A thick white mist poured from the broken container, and Zexion yelped.

"Demyx, what have you done?"

The next thing he knew, he was on the floor beside the sitarist, losing conciousness...


	2. Who's Who Here?

When Zexion came to, his head hurt and he felt strangely horny. He moaned to himself and opened his eyes, expecting that he had been drugged by Xigbar again. Damn that man and his perpetual urges.

He was surprised to find himself in Roxas' room. _Roxas _would never drug him! So why was he here...?

Zexion sat up in confusion. His body felt strange, unfamiliar. Had he been drinking? Where was Roxas?

Looking around, he spotted Roxas dozing on the couch nearby. He smiled.

_Roxas is so cute..._

Unfortunately, the boy had all his clothes on, so Zexion guessed he hadn't suddenly and miraculously developed feelings for Zexion and done mad and passionate things with him. That didn't mean Zexion couldn't fantasize about it though.

A few fantasies later, Zexion got up and walked over to Roxas, deciding he wanted to know why he was in Number Thirteen's room. He gently shook the boy's shoulders until he opened his eyes, looking dazed.

"...Axel?"

"...AXEL?" Zexion exclaimed.

He ran over to the mirror nearby and stared at his reflection in shock.

He was indeed Axel. And he wasn't wearing any pants.

"What the hell is going on?" Zexion demanded, snatching up a black cloak nearby that he assumed was Axel's and covering himself.

"Why am I in Roxas' room?" Roxas wondered aloud.

"You mean...you're not Roxas?"

"No, I'm Xion. Why would I be Roxas?"

"You're _Xion_?"

"Yes, why'd you think I was Roxas?"

"Look for yourself!"

Zexion dragged Roxas/Xion to the mirror and pointed at the reflection.

"Holy crow!" Xion exclaimed. "I'm Roxas!"

She then peeked into Roxas' jeans, and Zexion blushed and averted his eyes.

"Holy crow!" She repeated. "I've got a-"

"The Orb of Essences!" Zexion exclaimed, suddenly remembering the events that had occurred before his black-out.

"The what now?"

"Demyx smashed it! Crap!"

"Demyx smashes everything, what's your point?"

"Everyone that was inside the castle when the Orb of Essences broke will have switched bodies with someone else!"

Xion stared at him, Roxas' mouth hanging open in surprise.

"Dude...Xemnas is going to be sooo pissed."

...

Meanwhile, down in Vexen's lab, Xigbar was coming to.

"Ohhh...what have I been _smoking_?" He coughed, sitting up.

He looked around.

"Ok, what the hell am I doing in Vexen's lab?" He muttered, but his voice sounded strange. Also, he could see.

"Whoa! I can see!"

He wasn't wearing his eyepatch and he could see out of both eyes perfectly fine! It was a miracle! He clapped a hand to his cheek in wonder, and was amazed to find his scar missing. His skin felt young and smooth!

"Oh my gosh, Dem Dem, what in the world is going on here?" Came Zexion's voice, but it had a flamboyant tone that Xigbar had never heard Zexion use.

He sat up and stared at the boy with the emo hair-cut that sat before him. Zexion had his head tilted in a very feminine way and it was confusing Xigbar quite a lot.

"Demyx is here? Where?" Xigbar asked, grinning and looking around for the blonde.

"Don't play dumb, Demyx, what's going on?" Zexion asked, putting his hand on his hip.

"Are you talking to _me_?" Xigbar asked, surprised.

"YES!" Zexion replied, exasperated.

"I'm not Demyx, I'm Xigbar."

"Ewwww!" Zexion shrieked and scooted away, "My foot was touching your arm!"

Xigbar was not amused.

After Zexion had recovered from his disgust that he had been in physical contact with Xigbar, he began to ask questions.

"If you're Xigbar, then why do you look like Demyx?"

Xigbar shrugged. "Pass."

"Why are we on the floor in Vexen's lab?"

"Pass."

"Is Larxene a lesbian?"

"Yes. Next."

"Who am I?"

Xigbar looked at Zexion in surprise.

"You're Zexion of course."

"ZEXION?"

"Yes?"

"I'm that little emo?" Zexion exclaimed, tugging his sleeve back to look at his arm. To both their surprise, Zexion's arm was unmarked. Zexion gasped.

"Oooooh, he's a poser..." Zexion whistled. Just to be sure, he dropped his pants.

"Hello!" Xigbar chuckled pervertedly.

"Not a mark on him!" Zexion announced.

"Who?"

"Zexion."

"But you're Zexion!"

"Oh no you _didn't_!"

"...Marluxia?"

...

All over the castle, Organization members were discovering that they had switched bodies with others. Some of them were pleased with the change, such as Axel (who had awoken in Larxene's body and was having a jolly time playing with her titties) and Larxene (who was in Marluxia's body and had promptly decided to make the best of the situation by chopping off all his pretty pink hair and giving him a crew cut). Others were horrified (such as Saix upon discovering he was Xion, and Lexaeus upon encountering his first ball gag while waking up as Xigbar in Number Two's room).

Eventually, Vexen (who had switched bodies with Lexaeus) gathered everyone together for a meeting, except of course, for Xemnas,who was out of the castle on business. Several bad things happened when the Organization members saw their bodies and what the current occupants were doing with them, the worst of which was when Marluxia saw that Larxene had given him a crew cut and when Larxene saw that Axel was playing with her breasts (she went up and slapped her own face).

"What's going on, Vexen?" Saix-in-Xion's-body demanded, looking to Vexen, who was really Demyx.

"Shut up, little girl, you don't have a say here. It's Organization THIRTEEN after all, whoever thought it was a good idea to add a FOURTEENTH member-" Vexen-in-Lexaeus'-body snapped.

"...I'm Saix." Xion stated coldly.

"...ohhh..."

"Alright, whose fault is this?" Larxene-who-was-really-Axel asked.

Everybody at the table looked at Demyx (who was really Xigbar).

"What?" Xigbar said nervously.

"_Someone_ broke the Orb of Essences!" Vexen announced from Lexaeus' body.

Everybody except Zexion (in Axel's body) stared at him. Lexaeus didn't usually say much.

"It was Demyx!" Axel-who-was-really-Zexion declared. "Demyx broke the Orb of Souls!"

Everybody looked at Demyx again, but Demyx was really Xigbar.

"I'm not Demyx!" He protested.

"Alright, who here is Demyx, raise your hand!" Saix (who was Xaldin) demanded.

Nobody raised their hand. Everybody looked at each other, wondering who Demyx was in. Their eyes finally fell on Vexen, who was picking his nose and not paying any attention at all.

"...Demyx?" Axel (who was Zexion) asked hesitantly, wary of falsely accusing someone of being Demyx.

Vexen looked up, his usually intelligent and clever eyes bright and clear, cluelessly happy.

"What is it Axel? You wanna play a game? Ooh, we could play the game we played yesterday, where you put your piddler in my-"

"WELL THEN, that's him!" Axel in Larxine's body coughed loudly, drowning Demyx's words.

The real Zexion gave the real Axel a look of disgust, and then looked down at himself in horror.

_Oh god, where have I...__**been**__?_

Surpressing a shudder, he announced, "Demyx broke the Orb of Essences, I was there."

"Well, Axel-"

"I'm Zexion."

"Well, Zexion, why did Demyx have access to this orb you speak of?"

"He was in Vexen's lab. It wasn't my fault! I was reading."

"Ok, who's Vexen?"

Lexaeus raised his hand.

"Ohhh," said Saix (who was Xaldin), "_that's_ why you were talking so much, I _had _wondered."

"So what is the orb you keep talking about?" The real Saix asked.

"It's the Orb of Essences. It's a very complicated and hard-to-explain device-"

"Spare us the details and just tell us what happened, for once, Vexen. Short and sweet, got it memorized? Short. And. Sweet." The real Axel said, crossing Larxene's arms.

"Our essences have traded bodies." Vexen replied.

"Ok...I see...Now what the fuck does that mean?" Axel snapped.

"It means we've got to undo this before Xemnas gets back is what it means." The real Zexion put in.

"I agree!" The real Saix, Vexen, and Marluxia exclaimed.

"Luxord, you've been very quiet, are you the real Lexaeus?" The real Xaldin asked the man, who was sitting and playing with his cards.

"No, Saix-"

"Xaldin."

"-Xaldin...I'm myself."

"Luxord? You're...Luxord?" The real Marluxia gasped.

"You mean you were unaffected?" Vexen exclaimed.

"Wait...then who is Lexaeus?"

Xigbar's hand rose quietly into the air.

"...Oh, Lex...you poor poor man..."


	3. Marly Abuse FTW

While the real Zexion and Vexen were down in Vexen's lab trying to concoct a solution, the rest of the Organization were trying to deal with being other people.

"Oh, cripes, I have to pee so bad!" cried the real Xion, subtly dancing on the spot in Roxas' room, where she, the real Roxas, Demyx, and Axel were hanging out.

"Why don't you then?" The real Demyx suggested brightly, looking into Roxas' mirror as he tried to style Vexen's hair into a mullet.

"I don't want to have to touch Roxas'...thingy! It's bad enough I have to be attached to it!" Xion whined.

"Hey!" Roxas said indignantly, swinging Xaldin's legs down from the couch and itching his sideburns for the eightieth time. "There's nothing wrong with my thingy!"

"Maybe not, but I still don't want to touch it!"

"Hey guys, check this out." Axel giggled, twitching Larxine's antennae-like hair and making insect noises.

"You better not wet yourself...myself...in my room, Xion!" Roxas snapped in Xaldin's deep voice.

"Oooh I know!" Demyx said. "Since you don't want to touch Roxas' thingy, why doesn't he pee for you?"

There was silence for a moment...and then everyone ignored Demyx.

...

Meanwhile, in a parlor nearby, the real Marluxia, Xigbar, Larxene, Saix, Xaldin, and Luxord were hanging out, and a different Demyx was being ignored. Everybody tended to ignore Demyx as a general rule, so even when Demyx was really Xigbar, he didn't get much attention.

"Heh...Xion's kinda cute, isn't she? I wouldn't mind a bite of that." The real Xigbar murmured to Luxord.

"Good heavens, Dem-oh, you're Xigbar. Either way, stop that nonsense, the girl's underage!" Luxord replied in a low tone.

"God, you bitch, I cannot believe what you did to my beautiful hair!" Marluxia cried, actual tears slipping from Zexion's eyes.

"Jeez, Marly, you make Zexion look more emo than _usual_." Larxene remarked.

"He's not really emo, I tell you!" Marluxia exclaimed.

"Don't be so dramatic." Xaldin said.

"I actually have a hard time remembering that Saix is actually Xaldin right now. They're both so emotionless, it's like they're the _same person_." Luxord whispered confidentially to Xigbar.

Xigbar looked over at the real Saix, who was discreetly running his fingers through Xion's silky hair.

"When do you think Saix last got laid?" Xigbar asked.

"Must you ask me such questions?" Luxord sighed. "I think he's in intimate relations with the Superior, and also most likely Xaldin as well. Of course, I also thought he was having intercourse with you too, so, shows what I know."

"Nah, we're not doing it anymore."

"Why is it that all the men of the Organization shack up with other men from the Organization?"

"What, are you complaining? You're gay!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"No, he's bi," said Marluxia, who joined them at the table where Luxord was laying out cards.

Luxord glared at him.

"And Luxord, how else would any of the guys in the Organization get any loving? There're only two girls in the Organization, we can't _all_ have sex with them. Besides, Xion's like, what, thirteen years old? And Larxene's a lesbian." Marluxia added, flipping Zexion's bangs out of his face.

"I must say, I do rather like what Zexion's done with his hair." He giggled.

"Well then, maybe you can style it that way when you grow yours back out." Luxord suggested, shuffling his cards.

"Oh god, Luxord, don't _remind_ me!" Marluxia gasped dramatically, turning his head and throwing a hand in front of his face.

"What's your natural hair color, Marly?" Xigbar asked curiously, looking over at Marluxia's body, which Larxene was currently warming by the fireplace.

Marluxia sniffed. "My hair is naturally pink."

"I don't believe you." Luxord laughed.

"It _is_!" Marluxia insisted.

"Nah, you dye it." Xigbar decided aloud.

"I do _not_!"

"What kind of power is chucking rose petals anyway, Marly?" Luxord asked innocently.

"I do not _chuck_ them!" Marluxia snapped, brought to tears again.

"Do too, like a bridesmaid." Xigbar said immediately.

"_You're_ a bridesmaid!" Marluxia cried, getting up and running from the room.

Luxord and Xigbar laughed and grinned, giving each other high fives.

"Marly abuse for the win!"

...

During this time, Lexaeus had been investigating Xigbar's room, looking for a comic book that the pervert had stolen from him a few months back. Now that he knew where Number Two's room was, nothing could stop him from trying to rescue his comic book. Xigbar's room was very disturbing though...there were whips...and shackles...and blow-up dolls. It was horrible.

Lexaeus almost turned back. Three hundred and forty two times. But though he was quiet, he was brave. He continued onward, braving the messy and frightening depths of Xigbar's quarters. He encountered numerous empty tubes of lubricant (shudder), discarded sex toys that didn't look new at all (big shudder), and a big, unmade, vibrating bed (ooh!).

He found a basket of what looked like they could be comic books under the bed, but when he pulled them out, it was only a huge collection of porno magazines. Greatly disappointed but also greatly distracted, Lexaeus was content and unheard from for the next few hours.

...

"Hey, I didn't know Axel had a tattoo there." Zexion said when he changed out of the clothes he had been wearing when Vexen's latest experiment had exploded on him.

"Yes, yes, very nice." Vexen replied, not paying any attention whatsoever.

...

"Ok, that's it! I have to pee, and I have to pee _now_!" Roxas-who-was-really-Xion exclaimed.

Xaldin-who-was-really-Roxas narrowed his eyes at her. "The bathroom is over there. No messing around!"

Xion ran for the bathroom.

"Man, I don't know _what_ I'd do if I got switched with a _girl_." Demyx admitted with his usual bright smile, having successfully mullet-ed Vexen and plucking away at his sitar in celebration.

"It's not so bad." Axel chuckled, giving Larxene's boobs another squeeze.

"Would you STOP that?" Roxas demanded. "It's really starting to scar me mentally!"

Axel laughed. "Hey. It's temporary. Got it memorized?"

"Hey, you guys, wanna play the Find the Shiny Shiny Objects game?" Demyx asked cheerfully.

"No...but what is it?" Roxas asked.

"It's where you find one hundred shiny objects in the castle and take them all to Axel one by one, and then run to put them back where you got them so Saix doesn't kill Zexion!"

"..."


	4. Poor Little Zexion

"Vexen! Vexen, you have to give me a potion that will make my hair grow back really fast!" Marluxia cried, running into the lab. Zexion looked up at him with disdain.

"Oh. Hello, Axel. Who are you really, again?"

"Zexion..."

"Oh. The little pretend emo."

"...you suck."

"Not as much as you do."

"Get out of my body."

"Get out of Axel's-you don't do him justice."

"Oh jeez, are you and him sleeping together too?"

"...no."

"You are, aren't you? Sick...I'm in the body of a man whore."

"Axel is not a man whore! He's just...popular."

"What's going on here?" Asked Vexen, who had just come back into the lab.

"I need you to make me a potion to grow my beautiful long hair back!"

"...Marly?"

"That's right, Vexy."

Vexen coughed.

"Sure, Marly...just..after the solution to our problem...and after you give me back...erm...a certain...item of mine..."

"Oh, your thong? Sure, I'll drop it off at your room."

Vexen went very very very red.

"Oh my GOD! You and Vexen are screwing too? JESUS CHRIST, am I the ONLY member of this Organization that's NOT GETTING LAID?" Zexion yelled.

Vexen and Marluxia both stared at him.

"Well...Xion's not doing anybody." Marluxia pointed out helpfully.

…

Meanwhile, Xion was emerging from Roxas' bathroom looking very relieved and slightly emotionally scarred.

"Please tell me I never have to do that again."

"Sorry, babe," Axel replied, "When Vexen's around, we can never make you that promise."

"Even more so when and Vexen and...you-know-who...are around..._together_...at the _same time_." Roxas laughed, nodding towards Demyx, who sat playing his sitar.

"When do you think the solution will be ready?" Xion asked, buttoning Roxas' jeans.

"Dunno," replied Roxas, "have Axel go down and check, Vexen likes him."

"_Everybody_ likes me. Got it memorized?" Axel grinned, winking at Roxas.

"Suuure, Mr. CatchPhrase." Xion laughed.

"I'm going to make sure my toilet's ok." Roxas announced, disappearing into his bathroom.

Axel stopped playing with Larxene's boobs and listened, gesturing at Demyx to stop playing his sitar for a moment.

"OH MY GOD!" Came Roxas' exclamation. The boy inside Xaldin's body burst out of the bathroom, his face red.

"Xion, you pissed all over!"

"Sorry, Roxas, I've never been a boy before!" Xion retorted.

"Neither have I!" Demyx added.

"...Demyx, do you even know what we're talking about?"

"...dragonflies?"


	5. The Good, the Bad, and the Kinky

An hour before midnight, Vexen (in Lexaeus' body) announced that they only had until midnight to reverse the spell.

"WHAT?"

"I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that earlier! In any case, I need your help!" Vexen stammered.

"I need you to go find me one hundred shiny objects in the castle so that I can create a Reverse Orb of Essences!"

"WHAT?" Zexion exclaimed.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Cried Demyx, "I know where to find some!"

"Also, we all need to be at the same place, in a circle, for the reverse spell to work! So make sure you get back here before midnight with one hundred shiny objects!"

"Midnight, shiny objects, GOT IT MEMORIZED?" Axel bellowed from Larxene's body.

"Alright, get going!" Vexen snapped.

"WAIT!" Saix in Xion's body demanded.

"I'm going to have everybody split into groups!"

"Won't it be easier to find more shiny objects on our own?" The real Xion asked.

"Yes!" Saix admitted.

"Then why are you making us split into groups?" Luxord asked.

"Because I'm a dick like that! Now, Marluxia and Larxene, you search the attics. Xaldin and Lexaeus, you're with me. Roxas, Demyx and Axel, you take the treasury. Zexion and Xion, the grounds. Luxord and Xigbar, you search the corridors. GO GO GO!"

…

"Well...this is awkward." Larxene said wryly as she and Marluxia climbed the narrow stairway to the attics.

"Shut up..." Marluxia snapped, his eyes on his own pink crew-cut as Larxene moved his body up the stairs.

"Hey...we've always been friends, don't treat me like that." Larxene replied.

"If we're friends, why did you chop all my beautiful hair off?" Marluxia demanded.

"I wanted to see your handsome face."

"Yeah that's right, to be a bitch-wait what?"

"I think it looks cute on you."

"...you do?"

"Mhm."

"...well...what do you know...you're a lesbian."

"What? I'm not a lesbian!"

"You're not?"

"No! I've always been in love with you!"

"...you...have?"

"Yes!"

"But...but, Larxy, I'm gay!"

"I noticed."

"But...you know...it's so odd...I've always had feelings for you."

"Really? Beyond friends with benefits?"

"Yeah...you felt it too, right?"

"Pretty amazing sex for friends with benefits, it's true..."

"Oh Larxy..."

"Oh Marly..."

And so Marluxia (in Zexion's body) and Larxene (in Marluxia's body) put their quest to find the shiny shiny objects on pause and made passionate love in the stairwell. And Marluxia got his secret wish: to be with someone as perfect and flawless as himself...himself.

…

"Where is Lexaeus?" Saix demanded.

"I don't know." Xaldin replied.

"Well, come on. We've got a lot of objects to find before midnight!" Saix remarked.

They headed into a nearby room.

"This is Marluxia's room, there's bound to be shiny objects in here somewhere." Saix announced.

"I agree. I think there are also bound to be lots of shiny objects in Demyx's room."

Saix gave Xaldin a look. "I like the way you think, Xaldin."

"We think rather alike." Xaldin admitted.

"...are you thinking what I'm thinking right now?" Saix asked.

"...yes."

"Oh Xaldin..."

"Oh Saix..."

And so Saix (in Xion's body) and Xaldin (in Saix's body) put their quest to find Marluxia's shiny shiny objects on pause and made emotionless, robot love on Marluxia's shiny shiny bedroom floor. And Saix got his secret wish: to be with someone as emotionless and perfect as himself...himself.

…

Zexion and Xion weren't talking much. They just hunted for shiny objects in silence. At least until Zexion started awkwardly discussing the weather...inside the castle.

"It's very...er...dry in this room. Had some nice sunlight the other day...Nice...nice weather we're getting lately, don't you think...?" He stammered.

"Um...yeah, I guess so." Xion giggled. It was so weird to hear Roxas giggling like that...

"So...do you have a boyfriend?"

"No...do you?" Xion replied.

"Nope..."

"Oh, are you straight?"

"Heh..not exactly." Zexion replied, blushing.

"Oh." Xion laughed.

"Are you?"

"Straight?" Xion replied.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

"Sweet...I mean-"

"It's ok." Xion smiled.

"It is?"

"Sure."

"...are you a virgin?"

"WHAT?"

"Sorry! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, I'm sorry, that was too personal, I'm sorry..." Zexion apologized frantically, blushing.

To his surprise, Xion started laughing her head off.

"Really, Zexion? Really? Is _anyone_ here a virgin, with Xigbar around?"

Zexion laughed nervously. "Yeah, haha...I guess not."

"I am though... He hasn't gotten to me yet."

"Oh?"

"What about you?"

"Well... Yknow...Xigbar..."

"Not a virgin huh?" Xion laughed.

"Well...not exactly, no." Zexion chuckled shyly.

"What was it like?"

"Really really creepy."

"That's Xigbar for you."

"Yep...I'm glad he hasn't gotten to you though. I like you."

"Aw...I like you too."

They stopped and looked at each other.

"...Zexion...I like you a _lot_."

"You do?" Zexion asked, swallowing hard.

"Yes, I do." She replied. She came closer, looking at him with Roxas' eyes. That wasn't fair... He'd always liked Roxas...

Xion leaned up and pressed Roxas' lips to Zexion's, and he closed his eyes, enjoying it... No one had ever kissed him like that before... and he'd always wanted Roxas to kiss him like that.

"Oh Xion..."

"Oh Zex..."

And so Zexion (in Axel's body) and Xion (in Roxas' body) put their quest for shiny shiny objects on pause and were not virgins for much longer. Zexion got his secret wish: to be with Roxas. And Axel got his secret wish: to screw Roxas a second time that day. But that one was so secret Axel didn't even know about it yet.

…

"I spy with my little eye...something...black!" Demyx announced.

"Is it my cloak?" Roxas asked.

"Nope!"

"Is it Lar-I mean-Axel's cloak?"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Is it your cloak?"

"...nooo...damn it..."

"Aha!" Roxas replied, smiling.

Axel slung Larxene's arms around the both of them.

"You know, I have a genius idea, you two..." He chuckled.

"Ooh does it involve cookies?" Demyx brightened.

"...really, Demyx?" Roxas sighed.

"I don't know what you see in him." Roxas muttered to Axel. "Demyx has got half a brain cell, and it's completely devoted to playing that god-awful sitar of his."

"Ah, but here's the secret," Axel whispered against Roxas' ear. "Demyx may have only half a brain cell, but his unmentionables are absolutely gorgeous, got it memorized?"

Roxas blushed. "Axel!"

"It's true!"

"What's true?" Demyx asked, panting and bright-eyed from the skipping session he'd just had down the hall.

"That your naughty bits are massive."

"_Axel!_" Roxas exclaimed again.

"Oooh, Axel, you're not supposed to say that..._out loud_...!" Demyx laughed, blushing.

Chuckling, Axel drew Demyx to him. "C'mere, you." He said, and kissed him.

Roxas only had time to pout for a moment, because then Axel caught him by the crotch and tugged him over to where he had Demyx against the wall.

"Oh Axel..." Gasped Roxas.

"Oh Roxas...Demyx..."

"Oh...dragonflies?" Demyx murmured.

And so Axel (in Larxene's body), Roxas (in Xaldin's body), and Demyx (in Vexen's body) put their quest for shiny objects on pause and had the best threesome ever. And Axel got his secret wish: to do both Roxas and Demyx at once.

…

"So, good Xigbar, I have a question I'd like to pose to you." Luxord admitted.

"I'm not going to marry you." Xigbar said immediately, and they had a good laugh.

"What's your question?" Xigbar asked, after they were done.

"Well...earlier...when you burst into the parlor wearing nothing but your unzipped cloak..."

"That really was my natural-"

"No, no! I meant, about the heart!"

"Ohhh, this heart?" Xigbar asked, dropping his pants.

"Oi! You're Demyx right now!" Luxord replied, his eyes wide. He looked away, embarrassed.

"Oh...quite right. My bad." Chuckled Xigbar, tugging his pants back up.

"What about the heart, my friend?"

"Who was it for?"

"Well...the Superior."

"Oh no way, you're doing Xemnas too?"

"Well, c'mon, his name rearranged is Mansex, could you expect me not to?"

They had another hearty laugh.

"So you must really like him then, to shave a heart into your-"

"Yeah he's great in bed, but he's not as fun to hang around as you or anything."

"You think I'm fun to hang around?" Luxord asked, flattered.

"Sure! We have good times, don't we? And I don't even have to have to be high or drunk or not wearing pants to have good times with _you_."

"Xigbar...that's really nice...in a creepy weird Xigbar way."

"That's me, babe."

"Oh Xiggy..."

"Oh baby! Sex time!"

And so Luxord (in his own body for some strange unknown reason) and Xigbar (in Demyx's body) put their quest for the shiny shiny objects on pause and made weird, kinky Xigbar love. And Xigbar got his not-so-secret wish: to have sex whenever possible.

…

Meanwhile, back in the lab, Vexen (in Lexaeus' body) was engaging in some extreme mental masturbation (which was his favorite form of pleasure) and across the castle, Lexaeus (in Xigbar's body) was making thorough use of as many of Xigbar's sex toys that he could get his hands on, comic book forgotten. And so, when the clock struck midnight, every victim of the Orb of Essences was happily taking part in some form of sexual activity (or in Vexen's case, mental masturbation) and they all orgasmed at the same time, so that for a moment they were all united in their pleasure, and that caused the Orb of Essences' spell to reverse, sending everyone back to the body they belonged in.

"AAAAAAUUUUUGH!"

Zexion found himself entangled with Marluxia on the stairs, Xion discovered herself to be in intimate relations with Saix in Marluxia's bedroom, while Larxene awoke with Xaldin and Vexen on either side of her, their unmentionables right before her poor eyes, and clueless Demyx was revealed to be sexually involved with none other than Luxord ("What are you doing with my foot?").

Lexaeus found himself utterly alone in the lab, and across the castle, Xigbar came to in his own room, actively involved with a familiar sex toy.

Then of course, there was Axel and Roxas, who found themselves entwined in a hallway somewhere, where they merely smiled at each other and stayed where they were.


	6. Epilogue

The next day, Xemnas returned to the castle.

"Hello everyone. Two, Seven, was everything alright while I was gone?

"Oh yes, Superior, everything was fine."

"Yes, of course, Superior, all was well."

"Good."

Xemnas wasn't an idiot however; he noticed some things had changed. For example, Marluxia had a horribly hideous crew-cut, and Zexion and Xion appeared to be dating. He didn't mind, however. As long as the Organization was fit to continue its work, everything was perfectly fine.

Or was it...?

The end!

**A/N: I know that some people will think I'm sick and perverted, but I want everyone to know I was just having some fun and messing around. Nobody forced you to keep reading if you didn't like it. If you got to the end and liked it, yaaay, hugs. I hope you enjoyed the random silliness. If I get enough positive reviews I might make another short Organization XIII story like this one. Let me know if you think a sequel would be good for a laugh!**


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